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dreams

The Morning After...Mother's Day

The Morning After...Mother's Day

 

Have you ever had one of those dreams where a monster is trying to attack you and your voice is trembling and your punch is beyond weak? You keep trying to scream and hit but the monster keeps ascending no matter what. 

I recently had a similar dream. Except I woke up because my voice got loud. Real loud. 

YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER!

I hollered over and over again, until my husband woke me and held me as I sobbed into his warm body. 

So who was this imposter mother? Why was I still sobbing ten minutes later?

In my dream I confronted this mystery woman. I listed fact after fact the reasoning behind my meloncholy.   How she simply is toxic and harmful to my life. She never shown pride for me. She never had my back. She never will. 

The fear I felt in the pit of my stomach as she ascended toward me was blood curdling. Thinking of it now, it still makes me cringe. It was one of the scariest feelings I've ever felt, asleep or otherwise. 

Why?

Because the monster in my dream IS my mother. 

She once longed for me to arrive. Had a clown themed baby-shower to celebrate me. She once nursed me and sang songs to me. I was wanted. 

But that nightmare I had is my reality. 

She didn't defeat me. I stood up and faced my fear and screamed into it's face with power. With confidence. With pride. 

I am not alone in this. I know there are lots of us motherless mothers. Mother's Day is bittersweet. I'm proud of the mother I've become despite the pitfalls I've endured. I'm saddened that the mother I long for is non-existent. She could never mother the way I need. I have learned through counseling that I have grieved for the loss of her, though she is still alive. I've managed my sorrow with meditation and love. I was taught to mother my children how I wish I was mothered and to not only mother them but to mother myself. If my situation rings true for you too, know that you are incredible. You are special. You are loved. You are wanted. I promise. 

The Doula Guide

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The Doula Guide

A lot of dads have major reservations about hiring a doula. They think she will get in the way, take over his role and maybe even out-shine him during his wife's time of need.

I'm here to tell you these ideas, though valid, are simply not the case.

Think of birth as an exotic trip to a foreign city! The two of you are super excited and can't wait to see all the sights together. But there is a problem. You don't speak the native language and you've never driven on that side of the road before! Solution? You hire a guide. This guide is well versed in the native tongue and has seen all the sights in all their seasons. Your guide can navigate the land with ease and help you choose the best restaurants, comfortable hotel accommodations whilst providing you with the knowledge and history of the town.

Like this guide, a doula can be your interpreter. She is trained and knowledgeable of all those foreign birthy words like; lochia, perineum, ociput posterior, asynclitism, the ring of fire and so much more! She will assist you in becoming knowledgeable yourself; supporting you to make decisions based on what you've learned.

A doula can teach dad how to perform the Double Hip Squeeze and show him different ways to use a Rebozo. A doula can relieve dad while he needs to grab a bite or take a nap; knowing that his wife is taken care of by someone they both know and trust.

One of my favorite parts of birth is witnessing the intimacy between a couple. I'm focused on applying strong counter pressure to mom's back, while dad is forehead to forehead whispering how amazingly, strong and beautiful his wife is. Having a doula there to help dad navigate labor and birth is key.

So, book that trip! Plan for an amazing getaway with the comfort of knowing you will have a trained guide to help you on your way.

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